Trouble in Sleepy City

I am large...so is my husband.

Now before you think this is a self depreciating diatrab on obesity, it isn't. We have approximately 80 pounds collectively of dog. Both of my brothers dogs singularly weigh more than that.

When we go to bed, the command is "In your room", meaning they go into the guest room which is covered by costco dog beds (very Bedouin/harem like). They have food, water, the protected guest bed, and it is the coolest room temperature. They do not suffer. When we got the boys, we put their beds in our room. Midway through the night, Bo would stand by my side of the bed & shake his collar & tags until I got up. Aware of not wanting to established this as a habit, I became adept at ignoring him. He in turn became Tenacious Bo, & would poke at my hand and nudge the bed. This is where "In your room" started.

So, the boys are pretty good about getting up & going into their room. Daisy, on the other hand, apparently has noticed the change in the rhythm of the house when it is time for THE ROOM. So she walks away....calmly & decidely. I leave the retrieval of said discipline problem to Da Pappa. He bribes her. Again another bad habit. But there are nights when we both relent and have the Dukes sleep with us....here comes the problem with being large. 80 pounds of dog & an unmentionable number of human pounds, in a queen bed. Here is how it works...Mike rolls over, Luke sits at the head of the bed in between Mike & I, Bo is under the covers near both of our calves, and Daisy sleeps on top of the covers near Luke. But what you are missing is the migration. Daisy sleeps close enough to me to touch me...I think it comforts her. Bo also tends to touch me. Mike loves this sleepover attitude. Me? I am so far on the edge, my boob is on the floor. Da Momma doesn't like this. Usually about an hour into this, I put them in their room.

As of late, there has been a struggle with getting the boys to their room. It started with Bo. Mike gives the command, Luke follows, but Bo sits up & doesn't move. Not only does he not move, he looks to ME for approval. I laugh. Bo lays down as Mike commands again. Again I laugh. Only when I tell him to go does Bo go into their room. In the past week, the hilarity has increased. NOW Luke is not responding to Mike's command. Bo has become emboldened and sits up and looks Mike in the eye. I still laugh. Not at their failure to follow the command, but the idea that the room is negotiable.

So, all you parents of human children understand, in the Davidson household...we have the same issues you do with night time!

Just Me!

That Smells Like Urine

30 years ago, I was babysitting my summer away with two boys the oldest being 10, and somewhat independent. At lunch I would make sandwiches or such. Pat rejected my offerings and he wanted to make his own sandwich. The rule became whatever he made he had to eat. I worded the rule like that as he was creating the foulest combinations he could imagine (yes, my opinion but YOU decide). The one I recall vividly was maple syrup, brown sugar and mustard. I remember his face as he made it, defiant. If I remember correctly that defiance dissapated just a tad when his brother & I sat and watched him eat....the whole thing!

With my husband, you would not know he is a grown man by what he eats. Here is the tuna I make for him (he requested these ingredients) mayo, yellow mustard, deli mustard, horseradish cream, horseradish and dill pickle relish. He mentioned (with his most charming twinkle) if I felt like adding minced onions, he would appreciate it. I did not feel so inclined. I also gave up making the stuff! The other night before I went to bed I came down following a horrid odor. Mike looked guilty. Did the dog pee, I inquired. He was quizzical. I went on, it really smells like urine. I am scouring the floor to see if I can find an offending spot. Mike said "I just made some tuna" he paused "I put saurkraut in it, want to smell it?". Mike, your food smells like urine.

I have married the Swedish Chef. You know who that is. The squinty eyed unintelligible cook who would create muppet like chaos while chattering "Hordy fordy hordy" or something to that effect. The classic Swedish Chef story was years ago (years ago as I have forbade him to cook any longer). He calls & asks what he can do for dinner with the chicken I had defrosted. I said I had a tortilla soup mix which he could add the sauteed chicken to. He left to his task. I will attempt to (without exaggeration) to clarify what he added to the soup: 1 envelope dehydrated onion soup mix, 1 envelope dehydrated chicken noodle soup, onions, boullion cube, and another soup mix I had stored. With pride he showed me my dinner. I can't say it was tasty. What ever had been dehydrated had yet to rehydrate as he neglected in the melee to add more water and it smelled weird. He told me what he had added with a frenzied eye. I was speechless. The directions for the original soup were 7 cups boiling water and the sauteed chicken. Yes I was ungrateful that night...the next day when everything which needed water had some, it was a fairly tasty stew!

Lately he just puts most of his meals in a tortilla! Not so odd except when he eats his veggie burgers. Now these are not regular veggie burgers they are extra spicy black bean burgers. I will at this time quote my sister and say "they smell like ass". I am not enticed to eat them by their smell. But he is focused on eating healthy and accompanies the odd disk with a myriad of condiments and cheese on his tortilla, smiling he bites into his creative meal....hordy fordy hordy!

Just Me!

Dog person

I know I am a dog person. Our first dog was the first love of my life. She took my heart when I was 6 and it tore at mine when I put her down 15 years later! The 3 I have now have not only taken my heart but my husbands....and with pleasure.

I have a small confession to make...we had 2 cats before I moved out of my parents house, Bellamy & Tori. I would love to say that they were my sister's cats...they weren't...they had us all. Mom & I were visiting friends in Eastern Oregon & there were kittens. I cannot recall where the idea came from but we called Shawn & told her we were bringing home a siamese mix kitten! She was elated! The dog had been mine, this cat was hers! I can't remember where she got the idea, but she got the atlas & opened it t a random page (Wyoming) & landed her finger...Bellamy. Thus the cat's name.

We put a bell on her collar & she ran with the other kitty & caused havoc. When you drove up she would run from anywhere in the neighborhood to welcome you. Not really, she would arrive at your feet as you opened the car door and preen for approval. Then run away after you admired her. She would make her napping place was the basket we kept the dinner napkins. She was struck by a car as I watched. The woman was debilitated with guilt. I couldn't tell whether or not she was dead. At the clinic, it was horrid to see DOA on the sheet...again my heart was torn. The woman came the next day with a grief card.

Next was Tori (short for Victoria) who was also a Siamese mix. I don't recall how she came to be in our household but she carried herself as her regal namesake! I had a small study room with my desk so I could finish my degree. I would hunker down with my walkman to study. Along would come Tori & she would sit and watch. And stare. And SMACK my pen as I wrote. When I would stop writing, she would SMACK my hand when I would stop. She was entertainment for my tedium. Mt Dew & Tori helped me graduate from college. The horror of her death was she was following my sister to the school bus and she was hit by a car, Shawn was devastated.

Even if I wasn't allergic, I would not get another cat as these 2 ladies cannot be replaced!

Just Me

Leather Tuscdaro

Mullets are hypocritically maligned in this day an age....why? Come on, admit you had one! OR you had the equivalent! Everyone is on the watch for mullets now. "Business in the front and Party in the back" we all find it hilarious! Halloween costumes are made around the wigs! We all laugh.

Taking a step back and over 20 years ago I was bored with my Dorothy Hamil cut my mom was excited to give me. In exasperation, mom took me to the stylist and said "Give her something different.". I ended up with a mullet. I boldly say I am not ashamed! Though I do regret the decision. I didn't like the cut, seriously....it bothered me. But it got worse. Because the next day at school, I was taunted at school with "Leather Tuscadaro".

Thinkk back fair friends to Happy Days when we as America were bored with the guys and Pinky stole Fonzi's heart, and her little sister showed up....Leather! Yah....that was me! For weeks. I am sure the poor actress is a wonderful person but I really had a 12 year old's petty hatred for her and her STUPID hair!

When I have heard "don't worry, it will grow out" as a response to a bad haircut, I struggle with that. It takes FOREVERRR for it to grow out....and the pain is endless. The next time a mullet is mocked, be mindful of the "mullet" you had when your hair was at its worst.

Just Me

Circumcision

I like libraries. I am not alone I am sure. Public libraries are good but I have found more fun in libraries of the universities I have attended.

At the University of Oregon I recall an amazing finding of old schematics and plans for the buildings on campus. Around those documents, I found old letters and newspapers. To be honest a guy I had a crush on (& would follow relentlessly) was an atchitect major & he was studying in the area. Future visits were all my own.

I know I spent more time in the Portland State University library. I lived at home with my parents to complete school, so I found peace and solace in the library. I remember finding studying carrolls in areas where the surrounding books were interesting. Being ADD I could study in 30 minute intervals. Then I would have to walk and peruse the books.

I found a shelf of books where the Holocaust was studied. The most nauseating book was a replication of the medical study and their results done in the camps. I can't retell them as I have tried to put them as well as the horrible mental pictures it created.

I can't remember where I was studying where my most memorable wanderings happened. I remember being very disinterested in studying, and I looked and there is was "Circumcision". I looked around to see if it was a joke. So of course I picked it up.

To be fair, I only made it through part of the forward, but I really could not ignore the book. The author's first sentence wanted me to be an author "I am sure you are wondering why there is a book on circumcision. When I was in medical school there were no books on the subject, I figured there should be". Enough said I figured. I put the book back fearful it would cover the step by step precision required for each procedural step.

Just Me

Underwearless Dog Chaser...film at 11!

Funny to me is the human condition gone awry. I mean really...someone trips, farts, gets hit in the groin, or is scared we laugh. And that is a wonderful thing.

Unfortunately there have been times when torturing people just for my own laughs has been tooo pleasurable. Getting the polling volunteer to sign "God Bless America" the first time my sister voted, betting my husband wouldn't let the dogs out naked, and chasing my youngest with the swiffer.

It is the reason why Candid Camera morphed into America's Funniest Home Videos which is now surpassed by You Tube. The other day I was chasing my youngest down the street sans undergarments, a chicken strip in my hand with the neighbor lady yelling "Your dog got out!"....I knew that I was going to be on You Tube as the Underwearless Dog Chaser!

You want to look! Just Me

Middle Age Crisis?

Last night I couldn't sleep as I was frustrated I am not the same person I was 15 years ago, nor do I have a grasp on how to get back there. Two parts of my mind were dueling on how to either get there.

I have always had a firm resistance to playing the game "If you could do this over again, would you....?". If you fantasize about going a different path, it shows you are committing adultery on the present you have no choice but to continue. A Wonderful Life is a movie...there is nothing real about going back & taking a different path...& it is sad to hold on to that hope.

But me? I want the freedom from neurosis, control, and fear I had 15 years ago. I had a healthy mom, a wierd but normal dad, life on my own, direction and goals at work, a dysfunctional relationship with a man (who didn't?), and a pace which suited me. Looking at each one of those individually, I can do them now but with different results.

Well, mom is gone...dad is wierder. I don't have a life on my own but I can have a ME in the we. Dysfunctional relationship with a man....ding...done. Though the frustrations come when HE is the normal one at times...argh. A job? That is a puzzle. Being away from my job for a month has afforded me the opportunity to see that my passion for what I have been doing has been a motivator....helping people, implementing ideas, and being in a changing field. But it is less intriguing to me....burn out? Age? I figure that after 14 years (10 n this current position) there is little new on the treadmill of work. So, this is the part of my life to be minimized. 15 years ago it was the end all. Now it needs to be the means to an end. It doesn't need to be, I want it to be. Pay the mortgage will be its top purpose. No, I am not giving up, but it is not more important than me.

The sports car? Sure, I have the day off....heh heh heh

On My Tombstone!

Here's my topic for the Gritty Woman: 6 words

There is a guy I heard interviewed who started a project asking people for 6 words to describe themselves on their tombstone. The interviewer and writer went back and forth reading the submissions. Some were very insightful & deep....others showed a glimpse into human turmoil....and others were just plain silly.

For years (even before the interview) has been : She did it with a giggle! I honestly don't consider myself a particularly happy person but I really do enjoy seeing humor in things. Regular everyday things. I also figure when I do still do even random things I tend to giggle. People think I am up to no good because of this habit. Honestly, I will declare NOW that I am not the planner or implementer of THINGS. I cannot keep my mouth shut nor stop laughing about it....so the 6 words fit.

I work in a 1000 person call center where alot of people know me. When I go away, upon my return I receive the most wonderful comment: "Where have you been? I have missed your laugh". Not that I yearn to be memorable to people but knowing that my laugh makes people smile is a huge smile for me. One time I confessed to someone that my road to heaven was paved with the laughs I give people. The person derisively stated "It is not that easy to get to heaven". I might have said this outloud "In my heaven it is!". I did really want to debate heaven & ask "How do you know (poop pants)?" but Christians always fall back on that faith thingee.

So, however you get there, what are the lasting words you want to be remembered by?

Why my dogs love ME!!

So my buddy Gritty City Woman & I are writing back and forth on our blogs with subjects and putting our own spin on them! She has a succinct sense of humor which gets you smiling then laughing. She had a post about a horrible death on a trip to Hawaii which I still can envision the horror of what she saw! Check US out!

Gritty Woman started this round with "Why I Love My Dog". As all of you know I am totally entranced by my dogs. Gritty stopped her list at 13. ME? I am pulling in the reins and saying why each of my dogs love Da Momma (me)....lets see what they said:

Bo: I love Da Momma because she gives me treats & chewies, lets me sleep under the sheets, takes us for rides, she gives me food and rubs my belly. WHAT I DON'T LOVE is when she 1) Grabs my bum & won't let me go 2) Chases me around the house with the broom thingee 3) And she put a mini pad on my back the other day which I couldn't reach, that made me mad. I definitely don't love her when she does that stuff! Stop Momma! Oh, can I have a chewie now?

Luke: I love Da Momma because she lets me yell at her, she & I talk about my day and she REALLY listens, before Daisy jumps on her & pushes me out of the way. She makes me have fun when she blows bubbles for us, Daisy is mean to me at bubble time. She gives me food in her hand because Daisy is mean & pushes me away from the food. She rubs my tummy & ears which I like and she pushes Daisy away! I love Da Momma cuz she tricked Poppa Mike into getting me before Daisy was here!

Daisy: She's ok. She sits quietly when I sit on her & watch Poppa Mike. She comes to rub my tummy at night like she is supposed to. She holds my chewie so I can chew it easier, Good Da Momma. She lets me sit outside for a long time because I am not ready to come in. She drives me where I need to go to hunt busses & trucks. When I go for a run out of the yard she not only comes and get me BUT she also gives me a treat when she finds me! Da Momma is good, I like her alot!!

Slurpees &n cornuts!

That's what I started out with...a slurpee and cornuts and I am in my car! It has always been one of my most favorite places in the world....behind the wheel of my car. I have owned 7 in my life, almost went to 8 this summer. My husband jokes that if my tags need renewing, it is time for a new car. Efficient view of time management!

I failed my learner's permit first time out & was devastated as my BFF at the time got hers. I won in the long run as my birthday was earlier & I got my license (barely) first time out. I remember the liberation and sensation of being in the car alone for the first time. I went to the bank for my mom!

Today I have not much of an agenda but wanting to enjoy my favorite past time! Years ago I figured out why driving is so cool to me. I get to go where I want, choose the inside climate, music and even occupants! I love it! I also love driving around and SEEING! Today I found a new cafe/bistro owned & operated by chefs, the military section of the Pioneer cemetary, the NAVAL Science building at the University of Utah, and was able to admire the stunning view of the valley on a clear summer day!

I was at a light in an area somewhat similar to Seattle when I noticed the cafe/bistro owned by the chefs. For a minute I was at a loss as to why that was important. Then it hit me the freedom they would have when choosing the menu. Freedom from uncreative or mislead owners/managers who are pandering to the crowd vs great food! I looked it up when I got home...I can't go there, NO BLOODY DESSERTS...nuff said!

This summer with time on my hand I have taken to the cemetary. Let me clarify that it has only been a few times and for mostly historical purposes! I saw the rows of marble headstones standing identically in a row, I pulled over. Michael's father is a Purple Heart veteran. My father was in the Korean & Viet Nam wars. Growing up in Oregon, I am very defensive about the military. Oregon has little military presence & has little understanding for the necessity and lifestyle. Walking the rows the hairs on the back of my neck stood in awe of what these rows represented! Standing there in the hot sun and slight bridge, I thanked them for my freedom and their work, and reverently left.

I am sure there is little need to remind whomever may be reading this but Utah is a Land Locked State. I cannot tell you how far away it is from a considerable body of water. I understand the beauty and uniquity of the Great Salt Lake, but we are land locked! So I almost drove up the curb when I saw the Naval Science building at the U. Both in Oregon and Washington, there is a proximity to the ocean, a river, or sounds which make the schools naturally friendly to marine sciences, but UTAH? So I corrected my close minded thoughts & wondered if it was an ROTC/military building....but again....the Navy has SHIPS. Being honked at to move on, I am still pondering the potential use of the building.

The U is at the near promintary of Salt Lake city. Pulling over, it was a beautiful sight! Regardless of my feelings of the area, this city was founded by people yearning to live their lives without persecution. State street runs from the Capital building the length of the city. The streets were made wider when the city was founded due to the potential traffic to come as the faithful visited Zion. The hills surrounding the valley were summer brown and green still beautiful in their breadth. Hills which had to be endured by the Mormon pioneers, the eager rushing to the gold rush, or to get to the Oregon trail. Hills where the Donner party was still healthy and optimistic. Still a great vantage point!

I sipped my slurpee and crunched my cornuts and headed to my errands satisified I had learned a few new & weird things in my trip.

JustMe