So....my mother has passed. My follow up quip is that "I hate to say I have lost my mother, as I know where she is. She is in a canister on a shelf in my brother's garage."
As I type that it really seems not funny. Thanksgiving was one of her holidays. I don't know what happened to them, but she had a cache of 30 year old (at the time)Hallmark cut outs of cute Pilgrims and Indians. Then over the years, she added Indian corn, a conrucopia, and other festivus effluvia of the season. Since her death, if my sister was not with us, my husband and I have been graciously adopted by friends. My husband was raised in a family where Thanksgiving was huge. The two of us are lost this time of year without our birth families.
I can still feel how Thanksgiving day started at my mom's house. As with all of the memories in our pudgy household, it starts with food. Bacon, fried potatoes and eggs. Eaten while watching the parade, mom loved the bands. THEN the stuffing had to be made. Call it what you will, but my mom had control issues. For years she would "teach" me to cook and part of that wisened tutealage was creating the base for the stuffing. I close my eyes and can still FEEL the small blackened cast iron frying pan (older than myself) where I would put a cube of butter, a chopped onion, leftover bacon, and celery. Added to that, I would sprinkle in (only under mom's expert eye) poultry seasoning & paprika. That is how our day started. What a joy!
Over the years, mom got creative with the turkey. NEVER with the dressing. We had standard side dishes, and of course pies. My sister and I faithfully recalled this year how my mother would scare everyone away from the food, yet it was HER who would take a tiny slice of pumpkin pie to taste it. The awesome maternal part was her feigned indignance at being caught. The regal distaste was stunning. How dare we question that she had the right to taste her pies. I think later in life she just said "I don't give a shit what you think, I wanted a piece". To her credit, that bravado had nothing to do with the cancer, I think she just wanted what she wanted.
The hilarious part of this holiday is that mom was/is Canadian! Yes, the Canadians do have Thanksgiving...though I do doubt that Alexander MacKenzie stopped in his explorations to share maize and pheasant with locals as he searched to plunder the North in search of the Northwest passage for his employer. But I digress. This young, new wife arrives in America and somewhat soon after is abandoned in Navy housing as the brash brave husband goes to war. My mother claimed that she learned how to cook from the other Navy wives in the complex in Hawaii. I can also imagine that women in California helped the funny, petite and engaging new arrival in the neighborhood.
So my mom really did kind of embody what Thanksgiving originally is attempted to be replicated after...new arrivals, in a new area, without comforts of home, learning from the people who were there already. Now my mother was not a Puritan, nor did she encounter dysentry, or spread small pox over the Bay area, but she was definitely pioneering with all of the other wives who were alone together. Before my mom is canonized, I know she learned quite a bit with either a bottle of wine or a rum and coke in her hand....definitely housewarming.
With my sister, we became adept with mom at whipping through the list of Thanksgiving tasks. The end of the day is the meal. I think my mom sat down to most dinners last and motioning everyone to go ahead and eat. But mom being mom, would load up her plate and eat....nothing. Yup...nothing. Can't say why, but she would just not be interested in eating what she slaved over. The meal was NOT the event, the event was the day...the preparations, the traditions, and most assuredly the finely pressed linens! But never the food!
There was the Thanksgiving where mom put the cooked turkey out one the porch to get out of her miniscule kitchen so she could finish. What was happening as we continued with the meal was my brother's two lab puppies were eating as much as they could before they were caught. As my brother and his wife drove home, whining and a horrible smell eminated from the back of the truck. When they had stopped, they noticed the results of the rich meat which had ravaged the pup's systems. We laugh about that. Then there was one of mom's last Thanksgivings where we were told to turn the turkey over 2 hours into the cooking. This was my brother's first adult situation with my mom's turkey creativity. He looked at the 25 pound bird which had been in a hot oven and wanted to know how to turn the "fucker" over. Hiding in the kitchen, the three of us offered a fairly adept yet overly dramatic interpretation of the turkey turning with mom being NONE the wiser that the bird hadn't moved.
So, we sat with our adopted family over this Thanksgiving offering them thanks for including them into their stories, traditions and holiday! Yet still being reminded that ALL families are full of the same stories, siblings and food!
Be good to you!
H
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Hypocrite!
Years ago the word HYPOCRITE was thrown out as an insult. HOW DARE YOU...that is horrific to criticize what I do when you do the same without any thought towards remorse.
In college my friend & I just owned it...we sat in our dorm room & decided...yup...we ARE happily hypocritical. We felt relieved. Honored. Pious. Why not? We were willing to admit that YES you are an idiot and I am going to mock you for what you do even though I do it as well. Beyond pointing out how wrong it is that you are doing it, we are going to ENJOY mocking you for it. People were shocked. I still look back & wonder at either our egoism or naiviate. But we felt justified point out flaws because we OPENLY ADMITTED that we had flaws. It just seemed logical.
Things haven't changed over the years. I know I have rationalized the attitude over the years! "I see stupid people. They are everywhere but they don't know they are stupid!". So it feels like a public service now. To qualify, I was raised in a home where you would have an option to mock or be mocked. I mentioned to someone yesterday that it truly was an Olympic event. As we got older, the sphere of mocking extended to cousins. It became a global event if you did not mention an incident first. I can't think of any of my early exploits which were training events for my mocking....but I am sure many of them came when I began drinking at 19. Before anyone becomes outraged, my mom was Canadian. The drinking age in British Columbia is 19. SO with all of my eager cousins, we would commute to the Vancouver suburbs and LEGALLY drink.
One situation that comes to mind is my first school reunion. I went to kindergarden in the town where my mom grew up. Now this town is sooooo small that they didn't have high school reunions for specific classes, they simply had annual school reunions. So I was eligible to attend. I cannot recall what I drank...but the 15 hour drive home was brutal. 2 hours before we arrived home, I crawled out of the back seat to drive. My brother & my mother mocked me because I was so hung over I only drove 2 hours. During the time my family drove, they competed to see who could drive the longest at 90 & 100 miles per hour. I get behind the wheel & 30 minutes later, I am pulled over & ticketed for driving 67. Yah. Needless to say it was a quiet ride home. Arriving home, my brother gleefully told of how he drove so fast & that I got ticketed.
It was a stupid thing. But we celebrate it. So I feel enlightened to mock others. Now my sister has a MOCKER dance. I cannot describe it. But even thinking of it now, I giggle. She embraces the ability to mock people. It is a celebration of our greatness....and a minimizing of yours. Every so often I feel a twinge of guilt when I see the bumper sticker which states "Mean people suck"....to be truthful I do, but that has no bearing on any relationship other than mine & my husband's. But I digress....I feel I am NOT mean pointing out the blatent humor of the lesser people in my world. The guy who was so mad that I passed him that he (doing 60 mph on the freeway) leaned out his door to flip me off. How can you NOT mock him? Come on, you snicker at stuff like that.
I will not mock people who are legitimately challenged, in pain or suffering. That is not fair. But if you are able minded, able bodied and within my realm doing stupid things....YEEEE HA! Sometimes I even wait for you all to catch yourselves. We were talking one day at lunch about Sweedish fish. A friend (who indeed is blonde) said "How do you fix those?". I paused. Hoping she was setting us up for a joke. My conversation companion & I waited for the qualifier from her acknowledging she was joking, but alas none came. SO we dove in. "Well, Jeff....do you cook yours with lemon & dill?". "That is good Heather, sometimes I put them on the grill". Everyone was laughing as we did this. Then my friend figured it out & was almost contrite. But come on.....who doesn't know what Sweedish fish are? No one is safe.
Nor am I. I know that I have tons of things to accentuate my stupidity. I don't have the time to share the yarn about my car's cd player in Hip Hop mode so it skipped more. I admit the stupidity of it....as a trainer, I have shared that story in at least 50 classes. HAH....I do it before anyone else can. I celebrate my stupidity! Why shouldn't I celebrate YOURS?
Be good to you!
H
In college my friend & I just owned it...we sat in our dorm room & decided...yup...we ARE happily hypocritical. We felt relieved. Honored. Pious. Why not? We were willing to admit that YES you are an idiot and I am going to mock you for what you do even though I do it as well. Beyond pointing out how wrong it is that you are doing it, we are going to ENJOY mocking you for it. People were shocked. I still look back & wonder at either our egoism or naiviate. But we felt justified point out flaws because we OPENLY ADMITTED that we had flaws. It just seemed logical.
Things haven't changed over the years. I know I have rationalized the attitude over the years! "I see stupid people. They are everywhere but they don't know they are stupid!". So it feels like a public service now. To qualify, I was raised in a home where you would have an option to mock or be mocked. I mentioned to someone yesterday that it truly was an Olympic event. As we got older, the sphere of mocking extended to cousins. It became a global event if you did not mention an incident first. I can't think of any of my early exploits which were training events for my mocking....but I am sure many of them came when I began drinking at 19. Before anyone becomes outraged, my mom was Canadian. The drinking age in British Columbia is 19. SO with all of my eager cousins, we would commute to the Vancouver suburbs and LEGALLY drink.
One situation that comes to mind is my first school reunion. I went to kindergarden in the town where my mom grew up. Now this town is sooooo small that they didn't have high school reunions for specific classes, they simply had annual school reunions. So I was eligible to attend. I cannot recall what I drank...but the 15 hour drive home was brutal. 2 hours before we arrived home, I crawled out of the back seat to drive. My brother & my mother mocked me because I was so hung over I only drove 2 hours. During the time my family drove, they competed to see who could drive the longest at 90 & 100 miles per hour. I get behind the wheel & 30 minutes later, I am pulled over & ticketed for driving 67. Yah. Needless to say it was a quiet ride home. Arriving home, my brother gleefully told of how he drove so fast & that I got ticketed.
It was a stupid thing. But we celebrate it. So I feel enlightened to mock others. Now my sister has a MOCKER dance. I cannot describe it. But even thinking of it now, I giggle. She embraces the ability to mock people. It is a celebration of our greatness....and a minimizing of yours. Every so often I feel a twinge of guilt when I see the bumper sticker which states "Mean people suck"....to be truthful I do, but that has no bearing on any relationship other than mine & my husband's. But I digress....I feel I am NOT mean pointing out the blatent humor of the lesser people in my world. The guy who was so mad that I passed him that he (doing 60 mph on the freeway) leaned out his door to flip me off. How can you NOT mock him? Come on, you snicker at stuff like that.
I will not mock people who are legitimately challenged, in pain or suffering. That is not fair. But if you are able minded, able bodied and within my realm doing stupid things....YEEEE HA! Sometimes I even wait for you all to catch yourselves. We were talking one day at lunch about Sweedish fish. A friend (who indeed is blonde) said "How do you fix those?". I paused. Hoping she was setting us up for a joke. My conversation companion & I waited for the qualifier from her acknowledging she was joking, but alas none came. SO we dove in. "Well, Jeff....do you cook yours with lemon & dill?". "That is good Heather, sometimes I put them on the grill". Everyone was laughing as we did this. Then my friend figured it out & was almost contrite. But come on.....who doesn't know what Sweedish fish are? No one is safe.
Nor am I. I know that I have tons of things to accentuate my stupidity. I don't have the time to share the yarn about my car's cd player in Hip Hop mode so it skipped more. I admit the stupidity of it....as a trainer, I have shared that story in at least 50 classes. HAH....I do it before anyone else can. I celebrate my stupidity! Why shouldn't I celebrate YOURS?
Be good to you!
H
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Thank you to the Management
There are always things you notice (or are sent in a huge email) that just strike you as dumb. One which was pointed out to me years ago started me noticing the somewhat assanine trivial things in life. In restrooms where they have the "automatic towel" machines, where a continuous roll of towel is pulled down...there is a notation...nah, sad but true a WARNING, stating NOT to insert your head into the loop of the towel. Honestly I thought that I normally see those machines in rest stops along the highways or in really seedy bars, so there may be some merit to those warnings. But if you are that drunk (I can see my friend Ros & I daring someone to do it years ago) to put your head in that loop, I imagine the warning is moot as your eyes are so crossed you wouldn't notice it.
So, I was in the restroom praying and I looked at the toilet seat covers. Lo & behold "Provided by management for your protection"! Being an ever so low part of management, I was somewhat embarassed to be lumped in to that gratuity due entity. I mean come on, if I were providing something for protection, it wouldn't be a water permeable toilet seat cover. I know I have "embarassed" myself a few times in those afore mentioned seedy bars (after trying to put my head in that fucking towel loop) attempting to 1: pee pee dance and pull out ONLY one of those protective sheets 2: place it properly on the seat (to maximize protectability I suppose) and 3: keep it in place while I struggle to get my pants down (I was never dumb enough to drink in a skirt as I tumble in heels). In public (like they are in private) restrooms where I want to appear safe, I pull one from the wall & wad it up instead of using it....then the restroom monitors will certainly give me an A.
I approached a few of my employees that day. "I am expecting a Thank You". After enough of the exasperated stare, I said "Because I provided you with the toilet seat protectors". Dubious, I walked a few in to the restroom ever so proud of my accomplishment as a manager. Needless to say I think THAT story spread with some quickness. I think I will put that on my monthly evaluation "Provided safety" and let it go. I feel I have done my part.
Now in using one of those things, I feel compulsed to separate the little uvulua like thing from the center oval (thank you to the 1 person who is at least getting what I was trying to spell there). If not, won't the pee roll off of it & on to YOU....now THAT is unsafe. I think I am one of a very small minority who separates the center thing before proper placement. It just seems like I am following the rules when I do that.
Does this mean I am LESS considerate as I don't provide them to guests at my HOME? Wow, I am certainly not a good hostess then. I shudder to think if Costco has a gross of them so I can have them on stock. I can't hang them on the back of the door as I hang my towel & bathrobe there. OOOHHHH.....Idea for Glade....scented ones with ever so discrete dispencers placed possibly on the SIDE of the home toilet so your guests can relax, enjoy and BE SAFE all from YOUR consideration. The mind never stops working!
I have shared this story with a friend & we were in a restroom later & both noticed & laughed...you will too next time!
Be good to you.
So, I was in the restroom praying and I looked at the toilet seat covers. Lo & behold "Provided by management for your protection"! Being an ever so low part of management, I was somewhat embarassed to be lumped in to that gratuity due entity. I mean come on, if I were providing something for protection, it wouldn't be a water permeable toilet seat cover. I know I have "embarassed" myself a few times in those afore mentioned seedy bars (after trying to put my head in that fucking towel loop) attempting to 1: pee pee dance and pull out ONLY one of those protective sheets 2: place it properly on the seat (to maximize protectability I suppose) and 3: keep it in place while I struggle to get my pants down (I was never dumb enough to drink in a skirt as I tumble in heels). In public (like they are in private) restrooms where I want to appear safe, I pull one from the wall & wad it up instead of using it....then the restroom monitors will certainly give me an A.
I approached a few of my employees that day. "I am expecting a Thank You". After enough of the exasperated stare, I said "Because I provided you with the toilet seat protectors". Dubious, I walked a few in to the restroom ever so proud of my accomplishment as a manager. Needless to say I think THAT story spread with some quickness. I think I will put that on my monthly evaluation "Provided safety" and let it go. I feel I have done my part.
Now in using one of those things, I feel compulsed to separate the little uvulua like thing from the center oval (thank you to the 1 person who is at least getting what I was trying to spell there). If not, won't the pee roll off of it & on to YOU....now THAT is unsafe. I think I am one of a very small minority who separates the center thing before proper placement. It just seems like I am following the rules when I do that.
Does this mean I am LESS considerate as I don't provide them to guests at my HOME? Wow, I am certainly not a good hostess then. I shudder to think if Costco has a gross of them so I can have them on stock. I can't hang them on the back of the door as I hang my towel & bathrobe there. OOOHHHH.....Idea for Glade....scented ones with ever so discrete dispencers placed possibly on the SIDE of the home toilet so your guests can relax, enjoy and BE SAFE all from YOUR consideration. The mind never stops working!
I have shared this story with a friend & we were in a restroom later & both noticed & laughed...you will too next time!
Be good to you.
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