Sexually Adept Canadian Man....Oxy moron

So I was at Costco.....thus begins the sentence of my first book I am imagining. I was walking down the book aisle & I noticed a woman who was looking at a book I had opened the cover a few times. I asked her "Tell me why you want to read that book? (puzzled WTF look) Because I have picked it up a few times and found it intriguing but haven't bought it yet. My thought is that if you tell me to read it and I hate it, I can blame it on 'that Costco woman'". We laughed

We started to read the beginning of the synopsis two words stood out "sexually adept". I pointed them out to her..."Wait a minute....sexually adept AND a male author....that doesn't work". She agreed heartly. Then I noticed he was from Winnipeg, Manitoba (the Canadian equivalent of the Dakotas). I pointed that out...."Sexually adept man from Canada"???? We both laughed and purchased the book as these revelations only intrigued us MORE.

Costco is truly a happy place for me. A while ago my husband wanted to make Chile Verde (green chile, go figure) and wanted to go to a REAL Mexican market. We found one. I clutched my Coach bag closer to me as we walked in. If you are not familiar with a true Mexican market, one thing that is evident is that there are no FAT Mexicans. Well, at least that shop here. I was immediately anxious. I went to the produce section and everything seemed off....like Charlie & the Chocolate Factory off. My husband was in his element...."Dude, I LIVED in the barrio"...he said with a smile of someone who had "come home". "Dude, you were raised in Riverside".

Next to the produce was the meat. There were Spanish words next to the meat which I am SURE said cat, possum, and BO LUKE & DAISY (my babies). Pork was $1.99 a pound...now THAT scared me...I threw up a little bit at the idea. I dispatched Michael to get 2 pounds of the...ahem...pork. I found my tomatillos, and garlic & was perusing the peppers when sweat broke out on my brow....I had no cash, what if they didn't have DEBIT CARD machines. I panicked. Immediately I whipped out my Costco card and rubbed it against the side of my face reassuringly as I whimpered "There's no place like home, there's no place like home". Mike saw me, mocked me & told me I was banned from Costco for 2 weeks because I was a surburban wus.

Don't threaten me with a Costco ban. Serious, I would need more Benedryl to stave of the hives. It was around Thanksgiving and my mom was still alive when I walked into Costco and STOPPED. I was stunned at what I saw. I looked around and hardly anyone was looking at what I saw. They all thought it was normal. HELL NO. I dialed my mom. "Hello" I whispered. "Heather is that you?". She yelled in that irritated elderly woman voice "what in the hell are you doing? I can't hear a damn word you are saying". I had to calm her down. If she wasn't calm, she wouldn't understand the gravity, the wonder, the MIRACLE of what I was witnessing.

"I FOUND JESUS". I said...there was quiet she aske for clarification. "No really....Jesus is back and he is in COSTCO! Right here in Salt Lake City UTAH, and I am looking right at him!". My mom was just as shocked "How much is he?" Valid question, but in true Costco fashion, he came in a bulk set "I can't see how much he is but you gotta get him with Mary, Joseph, a camel, a sheep, and a wierd angel...but son of a bitch, I found Jesus". I have never looked at Sam's Club or Walmart AGAIN.

Be good to you!
H