I am sorry I am ugly....

The other day I updated my status on Facebook with "Heather is.....having mean thoughts". It caused quite a furry of comments....all concerned for my wellbeing. Thank you for those thoughts. I appreciate them. Truly. Unfortunately (or fortunately) the bad thoughts were directed elsewhere!

Mike and I were at pizza...cuz I have given up cooking on the weekdays....and we were next to a group of youngish women. Being together for nearly 8 years, I have given up on scintillating conversation over very tasty pizza. This night I was forgoing conversation to be listening to the conversation happening at the next table.

Like I said, a group of youngish women enjoying their time together. I guestimated they worked together. I scrutinized the ring fingers and it was about half and half. With their backs toward us were two of the married ladies. I didn't really get to see their faces. The third with her back to us was a blonde of larger statue. I was sharing this story the other day and I wanted to reference when Anna Nicole Smith was at her zenith, but I think the end of her life/career kind of overshadowed that. But she was not petite but she had an air of class about her. The reason I point out her size was that she was the only one who wasn't under a size 10 and wasn't overly dressed. She was in black and her beautiful blonde hair was pulled to one side. I watched the chef and our waiter look over at her. I knew it was her they were watching because she got up to use the restroom I imagine and their eyes and conversation followed them.

The women facing us were definitely under 25 and dressed for an evening. The woman in the middle was a black woman who was very animated. Without any hint of racism, I notice black people. Utah is predominantly white...that is no secret. But after going to dinner with a friend of mine and his white wife, he let me know that it really is an isolating feeling being black in Utah and they do tend to support each other....but they are alone in some respect. I was struck by her eyes and her enthusiasm. The two women who flanked her were unremarkable per se. But they were all of the cute stature.

I say this with the bitterness of the ostrasized fat chick when I was in any school! I am aware I have not moved past this youthful debilitation. I know it is dumb. But there are times when it smacks you and you slam back 20 years! I never fit in during High School but I am not sur emany of us felt we did. Even the popular people could quote times when they feel they were struggling with those around them......nah...calling bullshit on THAT one.

So I am listening to these women talk about their office and the workings. Moreso I was trying to figure out what they were doing. I mean it was Thursday night. The blak woman seemed to be leading the group. She was talking about the cool new club and the other women were agreeing and sharing what they knew....she was talking about something which occurred today and the other women chimed in. It was just a lively conversation.

Then it happened. I have told this story so frequently that I really am trying to stay true to the moment. The woman looked around the group and kind of stretched out her hands encompassing all and said "I am soooo glad no one here is ugly". Swear...that is what she said. Immediately I thought "OOOOH, not all of you escaped that". Hmmm...truly I cannot guarantee what stopped me from gasping out loud at her audacity. Now me being me, I figured it was a funny moment & she looked for a laugh...nope. There was quiet. Silent agreement I perceived.

I looked at Mike who was blissfully ignorant enjoying his mozzerella and tomato salad. I looked back at the women. The disgraced 15 year old stood up inside me....somewhat Mad. "I am sorry I am so ugly, Mike". I want to interject here. Mike told me that I would extend his delayed response for dramatic impat to 10 minutes. But truly he looked at me...looked around...and was quiet...for about 2 minutes. Then he said fairly matter of factly "You are the most beautiful woman in the world". I rolled my eyes. But the 15 year old glowed! Of course I am!

I went to work and told this story to the youngish man who is truly still looking for women like the ones I saw. I told him the story. He too, rolled his eyes when I said I was ugly. But I said that HONESTLY the reason why he paid $135 (yup) for a pair of jeans was to indeed ensnare women such as those I observed. It quietened him somewhat because most probably I was right.

As our evening came to pass, and we were leaving, Mike held my arm as we were leaving telling me not to mind them. The 15 year old was totally wanting to say something intelligently and slyly degrading which they surely wouldn't get for years! I could do it! It would be redemption.

Then I grabbed the arm of my beautiful husband who was still glowing, not from the attention of his beautiful wife, but the amazing pizza....and we left! "I don't know why you focus on people like that. They really don't enjoy life. Let them go on!".

Laugh...like I have said recently, I don't know what to do when Mike is Normal, but I can certainly adapt! Enjoy your beautiful 15 year old!

Be great to you!
H